Head In The Air
by Villanelle
Summary: Another songfic. Nuriko confesses, and Hotohori must make a decision that will change their relationship forever.


**Disclaimers: **The world and characters of Fushigi Yuugi are the property of the great Watase Yuu and other respective companies. This written piece is for personal entertainment purposes only and no copyright infringement is being meant by this author.

**Author's Note: **This songfic is a Hotohori/Nuriko fic based on the song "Head In The Air" by the Corrs. If you want to listen to the song, click on this [link][1]. 

  
**"Head In The Air"   
**by Nights

Dusk was falling as Nuriko brushed past a man, just another person among the huge crowd building in downtown Hokkan. Actually, he couldn't understand what he was doing there, braving the noise and feeling of unsettlement the crowd gave rather than bask in the surreal quietness and peace of Emperor Hotohori's castle. 

Hotohori. 

Nuriko struggled to free his mind from thoughts of the handsome emperor, but to no avail. _Who the heck are you trying to fool, Nuriko? _he thought, finally giving up. _You can never erase him from your thoughts. _

Choosing to leave the crowd, Nuriko wandered on and found himself inches from a shallow pond. He admired its sheer beauty, simple and serene. He reached to touch it, but his hand recoiled as the mere brush of his fingertips on the water was enough to create ripples, just a few, but enough to disturb its peaceful grace.

_Walking by the riverside,  
The colours change, the seasons have turned white_

Nuriko stared down at the ripples, his eyes sad. Even something as ephemeral as water is not spared from his path of destruction. Everything he touches, crumbles in his hand. 

The longer the ripples took to recede, the more Nuriko's thoughts slowly regressed to Hotohori, to the events that happened last night.

It was a starry, moonlit night when Nuriko told Hotohori the truth.

Nuriko didn't wait for the ripples to go back to its peaceful state. He got up and staggered away from the pond.

His haste left even more ripples in the water than his previous actions did.

******************** 

There he is. Should I follow him or not?

Hotohori paused, undecisive for a moment. 

Perhaps later.

He was bothered by the crowd, yet also fascinated by the way they treated him as somewhat one of their own, with the way they bumped onto him without even the slightest bit of an apology. Hotohori smiled. He was happy, for at least, once in his life, he was treated like a normal human being, not a God, not someone different, not someone unreachable.

However, it annoyed him that the crowd was preventing him from following Nuriko. And the way the crowd jostled him was enough to irritate him to an extent that he chose to leave them.

Now, he stood away from the crowd. He exhaled, finally having a chance to breathe easily. He glanced to his right and found his eyes landing on...

A pond?

Hotohori recalled Nuriko stopping to stare at the pond before he continued on wherever he planned to go. He admired the pond's ability to capture the beauty of something as surreal as the moon and the night it illuminated and made stark. He leaned a little more, and found himself staring at his own reflection.

_Reflecting the way I feel about you,  
But you don't know cause I ain't by your side_

He traced his counterpart on the water, careful not to disturb its present state. _Such beauty_, he thought absentmindedly.

Which one, the reflection or you?

He gasped in surprise as the reflection broke into a million pieces, ripples caused by the mere touch of his skin on the water tapering his image.

He then remembered Nuriko, his exquisite features serious as he stared intently at the water, probably at his own reflection. 

_Do you know before I see you I know you are there   
(And before you kiss me -)   
And before you kiss me, my head is in the air_

The water was beautiful, yet untouchable by anyone. The slightest contact was guaranteed to destroy it.

Gods, is that what was going on in Nuriko's thoughts when he was staring so sadly at the water?

Hotohori trembled. The chilly night breeze suddenly swept the leaves of a nearby tree onto the water, creating enough ripples, again destroying his reflection.

You are beautiful. Too beautiful to touch.

The breeze shook the leaves once more, and Hotohori trembled again.

********************

The moon shone brightly, its rays painting each feature of Hokkan garden as Nuriko accompanied Hotohori on his evening walk. Crickets chirped softly and leaves rustled, further emphasizing the silence.

Usually, Nuriko gossipped gaily, carrying most of the conversation, while his companion preferred to lounge in the tranquility of the night. But that night was different. Nuriko was quiet, even fidgety, while Hotohori talked on about what went on the meeting he had this afternoon with the rest of the court advisors, never hesitating to complain on how much work was being given to him and how it affected his almost nonexistent personal life. Nuriko, surprisingly, was absentminded and rarely spoke. Hotohori seemed to notice this, for he stopped talking and peered closely at Nuriko.

With my head in the air   
(Don't change a thing)  
With my head in the air   
(You're everything)

"Nuriko."

Nuriko snapped, obviously the inquiry from the worried Emperor pulled him from his thoughts. "Hai, Hotohori-sama?"

"Is there something wrong, Nuriko?" Hotohori lay a concerned gaze on Nuriko. "You seem so...distracted, like you're thinking hard about something. If you are, please tell me about it so I can help you."

"I'm fine, Hotohori-sama!" Nuriko tried to lower the height of the situation by laughing, but his laugh seemed forced and fake. 

Hotohori noticed this, and stopped walking. He stepped in front of Nuriko, his face almost inches from his, as he leaned and examined him closely. "Nuriko. Something is **really **bothering you, with the way you're lying to me like this. Please, tell me what's wrong. I don't like seeing you so bothered and worried. Whatever you're worried about, it worries me also."

Nuriko sighed. "You won't understand, Hotohori-sama. Its too complicated-"

"Complicated?" Hotohori was curious now. "Tell me, Nuriko. I don't care how complicated it is. I want to help you. I'm your friend-"

"Friend?" Nuriko looked up at him, his eyes wide.

Hotohori looked surprised. "Aren't I?"

With my head in the air  
(It's all I can do)  
With my head in the air   
(Just thinking of you)

Nuriko stared at him for a moment, then let out a laugh. It would have calmed Hotohori down, but he realized with a start that his laughter wasn't full of happiness, no, it was bitter and sardonic.

Hotohori peered at Nuriko again. "Nuriko...?"

"The night is beautiful, isn't it?" Nuriko spoke, his voice distant, his hair shadowing his eyes, which were fixed on the ground.

Hotohori prodded again. "Nuriko-"

"Oh its nothing, Hotohori-sama," Nuriko said offhandedly. "Its just that I knew all along how hopeless my situation was."

_Waiting for a sign each day,  
A smile, a laugh, a touch of romance___

"Hopeless? Nuriko, I don't understand-" He started, but Nuriko cut him off.

Nuriko looked at him directly in the eyes, and Hotohori almost got blown away by the intensity of the hurt and sadness in his violet gaze. "I love you, Hotohori-sama."

Hotohori gasped. His mouth dropped open. Oh Gods...

Nuriko waited for him to answer, and he didn't have to wait long, for Hotohori spoke without thinking. "But Nuriko..." he hesitated, but continued on anyhow. "I'm a man, Nuriko. And I love Miaka. How can I...?"

_Just show me the way you feel about me,  
You hold my hand and everything's OK___

Now it was Nuriko's turn to gasp. He always knew that the Emperor would respond like this, but he was never able to imagine how it would feel when he does. 

And it hurt. 

"How long, Nuriko?"

********************

It has been a long time, Nuriko thought wistfully. He pushed his way again through the crowd, now slightly thinning from the passage of time, and the approach of midnight.

He remembered the first time he saw Hotohori. He was with Kourin, and he was accompanying his little sister to look out for the Emperor outside the palace. He never really cared for the Emperor, for him, he was someone who was smart enough to rule the kingdom, but not worth of his time that he would run all the way to the palace grounds just to catch a glimpse of him. Not to mention that he was a man, after all, and so was the Emperor. Men don't worship other men. 

Until he saw him.

The Emperor was beautiful, brown mahogany locks blanketed a forehead lying on top of warm, kind-looking chocolate –brown eyes. His physique was lean, and his royal red robes highlighted his lean yet strong frame. He was so exquisite that his image impaled itself in Nuriko's memory, and refused to let go, even up to the time after Kourin's death, when he vowed that he will make Kourin continue living in him, as him.

_Do you know that while you're sleeping I'm dreaming of you  
(And before you wake up -)   
And before you wake up, I'm watching you_

He even fooled himself that he loved the Emperor, all because Kourin did also. _All for the sake of Kourin. _But the question is, was it just the Kourin living in him that loved the Emperor...

Or was it him all along?

Maybe I shouldn't have said anything.

But what about his own feelings? All his life, he had struggled to relive Kourin in him, to live and breathe as her. But what about him? 

It doesn't matter now. He spoke, Hotohori heard. And now, it is up to him, what he would do, what would happen to their friendship.

And what will he do if he doesn't comply to Hotohori's decision?

Nuriko sighed again. _As always, I'll learn anyhow._

********************

He almost lost him in the crowd, for the darkness seemed to have almost completely taken over the surroundings, which was earlier full of life and noise, but now, slowly becoming still and quiet. 

Almost like the night before, when Nuriko told him how he felt. He sighed, his hands reaching to massage his temples, as he remembered distantly what he told Nuriko after he bravely confessed his feelings for him.

Gods, after all of that, after everything he has told me...I told him that??

Hotohori shook his head. He had always loved the Suzaku, long before he even met her. It would had made such an endearing love story, his unconditional love for the woman from the other world, Miaka. If only it hadn't been nonexistent. 

_With my head in the air   
(Don't change a thing)  
With my head in the air   
(You're everything)  
With my head in the air   
(It's all I can do)  
With my head in the air   
(Just thinking of you)_

But still, he continued loving her. His endearing love story would now be a tragic one, but at still he still had something to believe in.

But it...it isn't reality, he thought sadly. Sure, he can continue loving her unconditially, but what about him? As beautiful a love story it seemed to be, he had to be realistic. And to be realistic means he has to give up the childhood fantasies that fueled him to continue on living, to follow each tomorrow with renewed sense of hope. 

Perhaps...perhaps he can weave a story of his own. It may not end the way he wanted it to, it may not end the way he dreamed it to, but at least...

He would be happy, and true to himself. 

Hotohori gasped, as the last city light flickered. He was losing time, fast. It would only be a matter of time before light gives in to the threat of darkness, and his chance to find happiness would disappear.

_Do you know before I see you I know you are there   
(And before you kiss me -)   
And before you kiss me, my head is in the air_

Hotohori made his decision.

And as if to punctuate his decision, there he stood, not far away.

In the approaching darkness, Nuriko was a sight to behold. Exultant violet eyes shone brightly amidst the unlit night, his purple hair barely visible in the dark as it blends into the disappearing shadows. His well-toned skin emphasized the interesting mix of colors he possess, as he stood alone, pausing, probably wondering if he should head back.

How beautiful, he thought. 

Too beautiful to touch?

No! 

Well then, what are you waiting for?

He approached him, his movements like that of the flowing water, almost like that of the pond he saw before. Graceful, everflowing, yet certain of his destination. 

Sensing his presence, Nuriko turned around, a surprised violet gaze landing on his own mahogany eyes, sure and determined. 

_With my head in the air   
(Don't change a thing)  
With my head in the air   
(You're everything)  
_

Their eyes continued to dance on each others for a full minute, and altough Nuriko was silent for a moment, it only took a featherlike touch of the Emperor's fingertips residing on his cheek until he finally understood.

Above them, the solitary moon shone, as if it was baptizing each other's silent declaration of their feelings.

"The night is beautiful, isn't it?" he murmured, as he reached to put an arm around Nuriko.

_With my head in the air   
(It's all I can do)  
With my head in the air   
(Just thinking of you)_

Nuriko, in turn, nodded. "Yes," he whispered.

And so are you.

***THE END***

   [1]: http://www.geocities.com/pauldbc/Head_In_The_Air.rm



End file.
